I was pointed to a website today that features quilts that were judged to be the worst quilts in existence. And it’s hilarious. Take this, for example:
Here’s the text from the website:
Made of polyester double-knit, satin, brocade, corduroy, lace curtains, burlap, old diapers and four different kinds of fake fur, this masterpiece made most of the judges woozy.
Tied together visually with hand crocheted orange and yellow yarn as binding and with humongous 4-ply quilt stitches (and plenty of knots) throughout, this quilt is a tactile nightmare.
Yes, you read that right. Fur. I love it.
I slept with this amazing velvet quilt growing up that I hear was made from old theatre curtains. The craftsmanship on that quilt was actually pretty good (though what would I know? I made a quilt that probably could have won awards on this site), but I think the fact that it was once curtains would make many quilters cringe. However, for me it was perfect, because the weight of the quilt (and it was hefty) translated into warmth for my little body.
I don’t quilt, but I do like to visit that world once in awhile.
Every so often a project comes along that makes me want to give up sewing all together. I am, by nature, a quitter, and I would probably give up on just about everything given the chance. However, three years ago, my boyfriend told me to just pick something to become obsessed with (“I recommend sewing,” he said) and run with it. So I can’t very well give up on sewing. Also, I would actually miss it. I miss a lot of the other things I’ve given up on, but some of that is more regret than anything.
I wasn’t going to do a post on this item until after Christmas, but I truly, truly despise it. I hate this project so much that I literally want to throw it away. The idea of throwing it away makes me want to cry, because I’ve put a fair amount of work into it, and it’s really quite cute. But the craftsmanship sucks.
I will say this much: I have my entire sewing life been fairly adamant that I’m not a quilter. I’ve started quilts, talked about making quilts, I even help people plan quilts. But I don’t finish them. I’ve decided I don’t mind making the quilt top. I’ve accepted this much.
See? It’s a cute quilt. Let’s ignore the fact that my top and my backing fabric don’t always match up. That can be hidden and trimmed, right? Right? Maybe not. What do I know? I’m not a quilter. I feel confident that these words should go on my headstone: She was not a quilter. For proof that I am not a quilter, I feel the need to reiterate that I hate hand sewing. A lot. I hand sew the small bits on sock monkeys, and that’s about all I have the patience for. That being said…
This is really one of the better corners. I could correct the piss-poor mitering if not for the errant stitching you see about 1/4″ from the corner. That’s from stitching the other side of the binding in place. Remember, I don’t hand sew, and I’m sure as hell not going to hand sew an entire quilt binding. I’ve known some people who find that process relaxing, and more power to them, but I find it frustrating and tedious. Oh, no thank you.
I honestly don’t know what more to say about this. I guess it’s up to Rocketdog now. I don’t think I can rip out the binding again. I’ve done it once already. Sadly, this is the better of the two attempts. I know it’s a joke that she always ends up with my prototypes, and my prototypes usually have some problems, but I feel really bad about this one. I feel bad that what could potentially be my niece’s blankey is so poorly stitched. I can safely say, however, that this will not be a Christmas present. I feel like Christmas presents should be more special than this.
And I just realized that I really need to rethink the quilt I was going to make for my bofriend’s mother. Is Christmas over yet? For the record, everything else I’m making it’s 100% tried and true. I’ve made them before, successfully, and I feel confident I can make them again.